All because of Christ

So here I am, have not blogged in ages! It feels good to have time to reflect on my journey the last month and a half. Since I last wrote I have been fortunate to relocate to the beautiful Maasai Mara for work with Free the Children. I am beyond excited and glad to have this opportunity, it is truly a blessing and a huge answer to prayer! This I thank God for eternally. 


Though am extremely happy and content with my job situation, I am quite down about my spiritual life. It is not the same and there is no one else to blame but myself. Ever feel like you cannot go back to God? or the distance that has grown between the two of you feels like a thousand miles? This is where my heart is. I long for the desire to grow with God, I want to and yet I feel empty. Emotions should not rule the day and lies are born from them..lies the enemy uses against us. So my lesson for this week and the call to my heart is to press on despite the distance "i feel". I put it in quotes because God says He is always near us and ready to answer when we call. There are so many promises in the Word about how He hears our cry and gives attention when we call. 


The other night, I had a second episode of what I call the speechless prayer. I got on my knees and all I could do was cry. There were no words and when I tried to speak, my heart just felt even more weary. I remembered how the Spirit intercedes for us as we lack the words to send to heaven, to our Lord. That was comforting and I just sat in silence and in tears. I am overwhelmed by God's love and continued grace and I know there is no other best friend I could ever have that could do what God does for me every single day. I know no one who can take so much rejection in a day, every time I choose to do things my way and ignore His words. I know no one who could be as patient as Adonai, NO ONE. The amount of mistakes I have made in 2010 are a witness to his patience, love, grace and especially His mercy. They are seriously new every morning and there is no substitute. I refuse to listen to the enemy...I am not too far from God, I am only a prayer away. I am only a prayer away. All I have to do is seek Him fervently, I have to seek Him with all I have. 


I have understood the pressure of not having a strong spiritual circle around me to keep me accountable. I know the loneliness of having all my loved ones far and my best of friends nations away. I have gotten there, and God has held me through it all even the serious mistakes I have made. I stand as a witness to His grace, His absolutely perfect grace which has held me so close to His heart. No matter how far we drift away, we have to learn that God is constantly there trying to call us back every single moment, we just have to listen. He is always right there. ALWAYS.


My encouragement to whoever is reading this is that God knows you, He knows your heart, He knows what you are facing, He is there in your joy and in your sorrow. There are so many things in my heart that I have to sort out with Him but I know I am welcomed in His presence just as I am. Isaiah 1:18 is one of the best promises ever. He says that though your sins are crimson, they shall be white as snow..He promises forgiveness everyday. Walk in His forgiveness and in His grace. 

No conditional christianity

Today, I've made a commitment to God not to succumb to conditional christianity. Conditional christianity says, God...you can use me except in this and that, it says only send me here and there but definitely not that other place. Are you catching my drift? God does not want that at all, its either you are with him or you aren't, black or white. No grey areas, no lukewarm allowed in His presence.

I choose today to devote my heart, soul, mind, will, strength to Him. Easier said than done for sure. God does not expect perfection, rather He wants permission to be the perfect one in you, to work through you to make you a vesse that He can pour through. Your weaknesses are His stage to show His strength to others. Embrace the journey, accept to wak with Him in weakness or in 


Ss

Commitment calls

So now that I know the next step with my journey with God, how can I be disciplined enough to trust and obey? How do I muster strength to completely let go all control and Be Still knowing that He is GOD, the Alpha and Omega!? At the end of the day, I am in awe as to how patient God has been and continues to be.
My mission this week oct 7-9 is to spend time in prayer. Thats it. May it be 15 min a day or 45! Who knows. I want to hold myself accountable. I write it here because it s a way to do this......

My Words to You

a little spoken word...


Let your Words rest in my Spirit
May they rise with each dawn
May they guide my path as i face each day
I wake at the sound of your majestic voice
and I say, let your words be my soul's food
May they be my heart's one and only desire
May they flow out of my mouth and draw my destiny
I hold on to your Words, firm and true
Promises never broken, faithful to the end


Let your Words rest in me....

what I have learned in the last 6 weeks

It is always amazing to look back and see what God has done let alone things He will do if I let go of my own issues =). It has been an amazing 6 weeks away from the hustle and bustle of life and I pray I maintain this quiet and childlike spirit of trust. It is a process and one cannot gain in a day nor in years..its an eternal journey. God has not called us to perfection rather to willingness to be made as perfect as possible, as close to His likeness as we can get. If I was asked what I have experienced with God most recently, I would answer and say His Amazing Grace. There is nothing sweeter than it! It shines through His love and covers me each and every day through each and every mistake. 

So here I am, I am saying goodbye to this person in me who was broken and lost and I say hello to a new and rejuvenated creation walking in grace and redemption. I've experienced His love at a new level, a level which plainly illustrates that there is never anything I can do to damage my relationship with God to a point where it cannot be restored. I sure hope that makes sense. He remains faithful to His Word and I cannot thank Him enough each and every day. So this blog is mainly to say that in all my 'wrongness', i still stand as the 'righteouness' of God through Christ, His blood and His grace. Thats it, those are my thoughts. Praise be to God for his amazing love, grace, for His redemption and eternal mercy

really asking for direction

Psalm 25:4 (NLT) says 'Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow'


That is my prayer this day and for the rest of my life. I have such a passion to be an ambassador for God in the Kenyan government and I want to establish that in His hands. I want him to show me the right path. I don't want to listen to everyone or compare their journey to mine. The truth remains that the Lord has different destinies for each of us. Seek ye first the Kingdom the Word says...That is the first step in going on the right path. As long as we remain in God's presence and in continual communion with Him, He'll show us the way. We have to eliminate everything that is distracting our minds, hearts and souls. We have to deliberately fix our eyes on Christ so that we can see ahead of us. 


The song 'Thy Word' was on my heart this morning. It says 'thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path'. Our dependence on God and what He has to say is the difference between walking in the light versus walking in the dark. As long as we are not in His word, we can assume we are walking in the dark i.e. our own so called wisdom. To be honest, its hard to determine what exactly is my right path. Am I in God's will every second? I mean how can I tell? I've come to learn that God is fantastic in the way He opens doors when they should be and where they should be, we just need to learn to discern. That right there is a whole other level but thank God, He is there for us. So step 1, follow His Word and slowly but surely you will begin to see the path. Embrace the opportunities that come your way and let them shape you for your destiny. 


Acknowledge God in everything, before you do anything...bathe it in prayer and God will lead you forward. 


Amen....ahh...sigh. WOW. All a process of discovery. It wouldn't be of God if it was all simple and all set up already for us to just walk into. One person once said, it is never about the destination but about the journey. Let God work and you sit back and pray... 

Hardest word to hear: Surrender

As I read today's devotional about surrender, I couldn't help but think 'have I done it completely not selectively?' Its easy for us to say, Okay Lord, you can have my heart and my soul but not my mind or will. Most of the time it is not really even said. Our actions show this to the Lord. We make decisions without even praying or discerning whether God is supporting us or not. We tell Him, hey by the way I decided a,b,c because I felt like it was the right thing to do and everything worked towards the decision. It seemed positive Lord, so I went for it. Just imagine if you were in a marriage and you told that to your wife or husband. The result would be chaotic and I guarantee if things would not change after a few instances of that, the marriage would eventually come to a bitter end. 


Imagine the same with the Lord. He is here to build a relationship with us. If you are a Christian, have chosen to give Him your heart and your life and every day is a process of surrender. It begins when you accept Him as your Saviour. You said, I trust you to lead my life from now onwards. So why hold on to parts of you that He ought to have? I speak to myself as I write this and maybe I should just write it as such.


 I know that God knows best, I know that God has great plans for me but I still choose to worry. I still choose to hold on and try to steer the wheel. It is hard to be honest with myself and say, you know what? I don't think God has EVERY part of me. In this relationship, God is really trying to reach out to me and declare His wisdom hoping that I will listen and let go of whatever it is am trying to control. My song now to Him, is my life is in your hands. I want to let the Lord reign. Its time to let Him guide me, to listen to make sure prayer is a conversation and not a monologue. To be quiet and still in His presence so that I can hear from Him. I want to give Him time to be God in my life once again.


I'll point out a few verses that speak volumes to me right now. 

Prov. 16:1-2, 9 

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

All the ways of man are pure in his own eyes but the Lord weighs the spirit.

The heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.

Verse 3 talks about committing your work to God and He'll establish your steps..


Where I am right at this moment, this is my verse that points to surrender. Surrendering my desires to Him and He makes way for them. I have fought hard to understand, to try and catch a glimpse of where He may possibly wanting me to God and I have honestly battled to make sense of any and every trial that has come my way. I have analyzed and speculated but all that can be said is "all things work together for good for those who love God". 


Exodus 14:14 says The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.


2 Chronicles 20: 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' (The Lord's encouragement to King Jehosophat when he was being invaded by three different armies)


I love how the Message puts it,  you won't even need to lift a finger. And the way the people from Jehosophat's city made it through the battle was obviously the Lord's deliverance but this occurred as they were PRAISING the Lord and sought the Lord by prayer and fasting. Worship is armor in our battle and I believe prayer is our way of beckoning the Lord to act on our behalf. We do need to be ready for the fight and we do that by constantly being in worship daily, not just sunday. 


I know my thoughts have not really flowed and I may have touched on several topics but I had to write what He is teaching me =).  Stay encouraged, surrender your will and embrace the Lord. 

As I lay my head

Its really late but I needed to just blog some thoughts and maybe speak to a heart or two. Simply put, I am constantly reminded of God's grace and how it really is sufficient in our weakness. He literally perfects His strength in our weaknesses like 2 Cor 12:9 says.

If you actually seek God, you will find Him. He is always ready to be found, it is us who do not seek Him. It is me. I find Him then for a while we are good then tables turn and life deals me a hard hand to play, then He is forgotten somewhere in the mix. In my human reaction to hard/difficult situations is to think, I have to control this or figure a way out. Why fight a battle thats already been won? why worry when the Word says it will not add a single day to your life. In my weakness of trying to figure things out, I am stepping aside and letting His power come in and work its perfection. I refuse to let Cheruto get in the way anymore. I make these trials even longer than they should be when I try to make it on my own.

Its amazingly stupid when we actually try to take control of things that are NOT meant to be controlled by our own human hands. God made the universe, look how awesome it is! Surely I can trust Him with the details of my life. He knows so much, He has so much wisdom and is one to run to when life is uncertain and I lack direction. He loves to be there for me. For you. So run to Him... seek and you will find Him. Knock on His door and He is more than glad to open for you. In fact He has been waiting for you to knock.

Release it child, give it to Me..He says.

Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Resonating Words to My Soul

You can NEVER set apart for God something that you desire for yourself to achieve your own satisfaction. If you try to satisfy yourself with a blessing from God, it will CORRUPT you. You must sacrifice it, pouring it out to God— something that your common sense says is an absurd waste.........If you are always keeping blessings to yourself and never learning to pour out anything “to the Lord,” other people will never have their vision of God expanded through you.

My Utmost for His Highest September 3rd Devotional

I read those words and I was speechless. The words hit me harder than ever before. Sure I've heard, pour things out to God and thank Him for blessings. Devote them to Him and live it out in gratitude but coming to the realization that hoarding a blessing or a gift can corrupt me? and 'other people will never have their vision of God expanded through" me? That is pure truth and a true heart test. What blessings haven't I poured out to the Lord? What have I hoarded with all my strength and all the might I could muster?

The saying goes, if you love something, let it go.. do not hold it so hard because you may suck the life out of it. I think thats how the saying goes =).

The scripture for this devotional was 2 Samuel 23:16 which talks about the water of Bethlehem.

¹⁵ David longed for water and said, "Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" ¹⁶ So the three mighty men broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. ¹⁷ "Far be it from me, O LORD, to do this!" he said. "Is it not the blood of men who went at the risk of their lives?" And David would not drink it.

David desired it so much for his own satisfaction but the key part of this is that he poured it out before the Lord. I read a commentary on it and here is how it broke down the verses.

v. 15

Said — Being hot and thirsty, he expresses how acceptable a draught of that water would be to him; but was far from desiring, or expecting that any of his men should hazard their lives to procure it.

v. 16 Would not — Lest by gratifying himself upon such terms, he should seem either to set too high a price upon the satisfaction of his appetite, or too low a price upon the lives of his soldiers.

Poured it — As a kind of drink offering, and acknowledgment of God's goodness in preserving the lives of his captains in so dangerous an enterprize; and to shew, that he esteemed it as a sacred thing, which it was not fit for him to drink.

PS:: He acknowledges his condition saying truly he just desired it and put His men at a risk of losing their lives. The fact that God saved them proved that it was not fitting for him to drink it...WOW! am still digesting this devotional. It is challenging for sure....

Hope it makes you evaluate your desires and whether you are just trying to feed your appetite like David.

All I can think of is REBIRTH...

My spirit is screaming time for rebirth, renewal, just want another start. Ever been there where you want God to just make you over? Just want another beginning. Taunet Nelel, in my language. A clean slate. This is where I'll be fully honest with what I am facing. I am ready for change.

2010, what can I tell you? You've been a hard year. Yes, life is not meant to ever get easier, this I know. Its been a fight, its been walking away from the darkness brokenness and into the light of God's love and grace. He has carried me through this year but I walked away for a while. I was distracted, confused and just needed a solution RIGHT THEN. I didn't want to wait but it is always the most helpful thing to wait on the Lord. I am witness to that.

I am in a stage where I'm ready for God to act, ready for God to show up, ready to seek again. Fall in love passionately with Him all over again. Let Him have my heart and ask Him to empty me of everything that has taken up His place there. I am ready to just SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM. I will have nothing if I do not have God to begin with. That is just truth.

I love Him for His grace because, if it were me..I would have left Cheruto a long time ago. Like the Footprints story, I think I finally see the one set of footprints when God held me next to his bosom and said 'child, just rest..am here, you don't have to fight, you don't need to fight. Just lean on me. I've been there, I bore that same pain. I cried the same tears. So trust me when I say, I am carrying you through this.'

Amen

am in need of a resurrection..nicole sponberg

Just listening to this song and its amazing how powerful the words are. It speaks to the Christian who is struggling along the way, feeling far from God and numb to a point. A christian whose relationship with God is stale and on the verge of completely ceasing to be. Its a cry to God to show up, to reveal Himself in a new way. Its a call for God to touch a heart thats been wounded and fallen away from Him. Its a reflection of what God can do and a prayer for Him to start things afresh.

Here is a link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4t8Sk6cZ-PA

As I sleep I'm reminded the power God has not only found in redemption but through his love...

Alicia Britt Chole's Words to You...

This devotion was amazing so I thought i'd post it...

The journey back from collapse

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." 1 Kings 19.11

Elijah was absolutely exhausted.

He faced and defeated 450 false prophets. He climbed a mountain to earnestly intercede for drought-ending rain. He ran for twenty-five miles faster than the King's chariot. And now, in what should have been a moment of victory, wicked Jezebel sent word that she was planning to kill him.

That was it. He was done. The combination of post-ministry exhaustion and fear of man was just too much. Elijah ran for his life, "and prayed that he might die. 'I have had enough, Lord,' he said. 'Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.'" (1 Kings 19.4)

Though few of us have faced several hundred prophets of Baal, we do understand extreme weariness. The stresses of work and finances, the strains of relationships and conflicts, and the realities of spiritual opposition leave us feeling fatigued. Add a crisis to that normal load, and we can collapse altogether.

How did Elijah journey from collapse to a place where he had the strength to obey God again? Typically to answer that question we turn to Elijah’s encounter with God on Mount Horeb. But even before his incredible mountain experience, Elijah was regaining strength in small and seemingly insignificant ways in the desert. How?

1. Elijah prayed. After running from Jezebel, an isolated Elijah plopped down under a scruffy tree in the desert and prayed. Yes, it was a pretty miserable prayer, but he was still talking to God and every little bit helps!

2. (and 5 and 9) Elijah slept. No instant cures exist for fatigue. Our bodies cannot be plugged into an outlet and revived in an hour. There are no substitutes for time and rest.

3. (and 6) Elijah was touched by an angel. When we are exhausted, God sends His messengers to us in many forms: the hug of a child, a call from a friend, the touch of a loved one. God’s arms are long enough to reach us, even in the desert.

4. (and 7) Elijah ate. Some of us wish we would lose our appetite! But for those of us who actually do, we must remember to eat. In his state of weariness, Elijah enjoyed angelic cuisine.

8. Then Elijah encountered God on the mountain. After a very long walk, Elijah arrived at Mount Horeb. God instructed him to, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."(1 Kings 19.10-11)

There Elijah saw a shattering wind, an earthquake, and a fire, "but the Lord was not in" them. During these three powerful events Elijah heard NOTHING which could have been a bit frustrating. So perhaps we should not be surprised when we hear nothing also. And perhaps we should be encouraged that in the midst of silence &mdash even when it is the last thing we want to hear &mdash something in the waiting still works to strengthen our souls.

God was in the gentle whisper. There God and Elijah exchanged the identical dialogue they had in the cave:

The word of the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." 1 Kings 19.13-14

Creativity runs low when we are exhausted. So Elijah repeated his previous response: "I have done my best but nothing seems to make a difference. I am all alone and some people would be happier if I were gone."

Elijah's words have not changed much from his prayer under the tree in the desert but his weariness has obviously subsided because when God gives Elijah directions, the prophet has sufficient strength to obey.

Certainly the concentration of God's presence on the mountain strengthened Elijah, but God's presence in the desert carried him there. In minute yet meaningful ways, God's presence was refreshing Elijah all along as he slept and ate, walked and prayed, was touched by angels and waiting for God to speak.

As we journey from collapse back to a point where we have strength to obey, let us be careful to not underestimate the desert. The mountain is amazing, but the desert is equally full of God's presence to refresh our lives.

Resting in God’s Truth...

• God can bring us back from collapse.

• That journey includes weak prayers, much rest, good food, long walks, and the touch of a few angels.

• In the desert as well as on the mountain, God’s exhausted sons and daughters will find restoration in His Presence.

my new book =)

I seriously encourage everyone to read Diamonds, Gold and War by Martin Meredith. Well maybe if you are into history, politics..anyway, its a great read. Its about South Africa and its colonial past, how Brits and Dutch found the diamonds and colonized the country....

I'm passionate about my dear Africa so I try to read what I can to improve my knowledge of it. It is the only way we can learn our history as Africans and break the psychological chains of colonialism.

hmm, just thoughts

There are times that this life becomes absolutely tough and the light at the end of the tunnel is out of reach, or so it seems. I have not only faced a hard year so far but one that has felt as if I was walking alone. Like the Footprints story, I asked God 'where were you when I needed you most? Where is the one set of footprints and your hands carrying me through?' There were dark days I couldn't handle and anyway, who said I had strength or ability to?

I started out praying through my storms, I cried out my sorrows to the Lord. I told Him to come and carry me. And then I waited. And waited. Did He show up? Yes, in the time I expected it? No, not really but in the time He saw as the perfect moment. I had walked away so far. I became the prodigal. I told God through my actions that He was not enough, I needed someone else. I could get what I needed elsewhere. This is what my actions spoke aloud.

After all this, I return to Him and declare that I was completely wrong and asked for forgiveness. I still need to work on my relationship with Him and build it once again but He took me back. I don't want to be stale, or mediocre.I want to thirst after God...even after I have been broken so badly. Its only Him that can heal me..Its only Him that can bear my pain, understand my sorrows and heal my soul. He only is the one who understands the language of tears.

I remember one time specifically as I sat in church listening to the Pastor then worship time came. I knew I had fallen deeply into sin and now had to face Him about it. I sat and just stared far past the choir and the pastor. The feeling I had was unbearable and all I could do was bow my head. I couldn't pray, I couldn't utter one word to God. I just put my head down and my tears just flowed down my face and I said nothing. Shortly after that moment, I dried my face and honestly felt as if God had already lifted the burden that lay so heavy on my heart.

It was amazing that I didn't even pray and He came. I finally understood the scripture that talks about the Spirit interceding for us when we can't pray. That was me, that was where I was....

Its still a struggle now but am working hard to see that the devil does not steal what God has given me and the relationship we have. I know I have given space to the devil because of my vulnerability but no more, I want no more of that. God is it...

Mamite Neu Cheiso in my language, kalenjin, means there is no one like Jesus. This is so true...

My Journey Begins ...

As I begin this blogging journey, I want to commit to it..It is more so for my own accountability and to share whatever it is my soul wants express.

So here we go. I am excited!