So here I am, have not blogged in ages! It feels good to have time to reflect on my journey the last month and a half. Since I last wrote I have been fortunate to relocate to the beautiful Maasai Mara for work with Free the Children. I am beyond excited and glad to have this opportunity, it is truly a blessing and a huge answer to prayer! This I thank God for eternally.
Though am extremely happy and content with my job situation, I am quite down about my spiritual life. It is not the same and there is no one else to blame but myself. Ever feel like you cannot go back to God? or the distance that has grown between the two of you feels like a thousand miles? This is where my heart is. I long for the desire to grow with God, I want to and yet I feel empty. Emotions should not rule the day and lies are born from them..lies the enemy uses against us. So my lesson for this week and the call to my heart is to press on despite the distance "i feel". I put it in quotes because God says He is always near us and ready to answer when we call. There are so many promises in the Word about how He hears our cry and gives attention when we call.
The other night, I had a second episode of what I call the speechless prayer. I got on my knees and all I could do was cry. There were no words and when I tried to speak, my heart just felt even more weary. I remembered how the Spirit intercedes for us as we lack the words to send to heaven, to our Lord. That was comforting and I just sat in silence and in tears. I am overwhelmed by God's love and continued grace and I know there is no other best friend I could ever have that could do what God does for me every single day. I know no one who can take so much rejection in a day, every time I choose to do things my way and ignore His words. I know no one who could be as patient as Adonai, NO ONE. The amount of mistakes I have made in 2010 are a witness to his patience, love, grace and especially His mercy. They are seriously new every morning and there is no substitute. I refuse to listen to the enemy...I am not too far from God, I am only a prayer away. I am only a prayer away. All I have to do is seek Him fervently, I have to seek Him with all I have.
I have understood the pressure of not having a strong spiritual circle around me to keep me accountable. I know the loneliness of having all my loved ones far and my best of friends nations away. I have gotten there, and God has held me through it all even the serious mistakes I have made. I stand as a witness to His grace, His absolutely perfect grace which has held me so close to His heart. No matter how far we drift away, we have to learn that God is constantly there trying to call us back every single moment, we just have to listen. He is always right there. ALWAYS.
My encouragement to whoever is reading this is that God knows you, He knows your heart, He knows what you are facing, He is there in your joy and in your sorrow. There are so many things in my heart that I have to sort out with Him but I know I am welcomed in His presence just as I am. Isaiah 1:18 is one of the best promises ever. He says that though your sins are crimson, they shall be white as snow..He promises forgiveness everyday. Walk in His forgiveness and in His grace.
