All because of Christ

So here I am, have not blogged in ages! It feels good to have time to reflect on my journey the last month and a half. Since I last wrote I have been fortunate to relocate to the beautiful Maasai Mara for work with Free the Children. I am beyond excited and glad to have this opportunity, it is truly a blessing and a huge answer to prayer! This I thank God for eternally. 


Though am extremely happy and content with my job situation, I am quite down about my spiritual life. It is not the same and there is no one else to blame but myself. Ever feel like you cannot go back to God? or the distance that has grown between the two of you feels like a thousand miles? This is where my heart is. I long for the desire to grow with God, I want to and yet I feel empty. Emotions should not rule the day and lies are born from them..lies the enemy uses against us. So my lesson for this week and the call to my heart is to press on despite the distance "i feel". I put it in quotes because God says He is always near us and ready to answer when we call. There are so many promises in the Word about how He hears our cry and gives attention when we call. 


The other night, I had a second episode of what I call the speechless prayer. I got on my knees and all I could do was cry. There were no words and when I tried to speak, my heart just felt even more weary. I remembered how the Spirit intercedes for us as we lack the words to send to heaven, to our Lord. That was comforting and I just sat in silence and in tears. I am overwhelmed by God's love and continued grace and I know there is no other best friend I could ever have that could do what God does for me every single day. I know no one who can take so much rejection in a day, every time I choose to do things my way and ignore His words. I know no one who could be as patient as Adonai, NO ONE. The amount of mistakes I have made in 2010 are a witness to his patience, love, grace and especially His mercy. They are seriously new every morning and there is no substitute. I refuse to listen to the enemy...I am not too far from God, I am only a prayer away. I am only a prayer away. All I have to do is seek Him fervently, I have to seek Him with all I have. 


I have understood the pressure of not having a strong spiritual circle around me to keep me accountable. I know the loneliness of having all my loved ones far and my best of friends nations away. I have gotten there, and God has held me through it all even the serious mistakes I have made. I stand as a witness to His grace, His absolutely perfect grace which has held me so close to His heart. No matter how far we drift away, we have to learn that God is constantly there trying to call us back every single moment, we just have to listen. He is always right there. ALWAYS.


My encouragement to whoever is reading this is that God knows you, He knows your heart, He knows what you are facing, He is there in your joy and in your sorrow. There are so many things in my heart that I have to sort out with Him but I know I am welcomed in His presence just as I am. Isaiah 1:18 is one of the best promises ever. He says that though your sins are crimson, they shall be white as snow..He promises forgiveness everyday. Walk in His forgiveness and in His grace. 

No conditional christianity

Today, I've made a commitment to God not to succumb to conditional christianity. Conditional christianity says, God...you can use me except in this and that, it says only send me here and there but definitely not that other place. Are you catching my drift? God does not want that at all, its either you are with him or you aren't, black or white. No grey areas, no lukewarm allowed in His presence.

I choose today to devote my heart, soul, mind, will, strength to Him. Easier said than done for sure. God does not expect perfection, rather He wants permission to be the perfect one in you, to work through you to make you a vesse that He can pour through. Your weaknesses are His stage to show His strength to others. Embrace the journey, accept to wak with Him in weakness or in 


Ss

Commitment calls

So now that I know the next step with my journey with God, how can I be disciplined enough to trust and obey? How do I muster strength to completely let go all control and Be Still knowing that He is GOD, the Alpha and Omega!? At the end of the day, I am in awe as to how patient God has been and continues to be.
My mission this week oct 7-9 is to spend time in prayer. Thats it. May it be 15 min a day or 45! Who knows. I want to hold myself accountable. I write it here because it s a way to do this......

My Words to You

a little spoken word...


Let your Words rest in my Spirit
May they rise with each dawn
May they guide my path as i face each day
I wake at the sound of your majestic voice
and I say, let your words be my soul's food
May they be my heart's one and only desire
May they flow out of my mouth and draw my destiny
I hold on to your Words, firm and true
Promises never broken, faithful to the end


Let your Words rest in me....

what I have learned in the last 6 weeks

It is always amazing to look back and see what God has done let alone things He will do if I let go of my own issues =). It has been an amazing 6 weeks away from the hustle and bustle of life and I pray I maintain this quiet and childlike spirit of trust. It is a process and one cannot gain in a day nor in years..its an eternal journey. God has not called us to perfection rather to willingness to be made as perfect as possible, as close to His likeness as we can get. If I was asked what I have experienced with God most recently, I would answer and say His Amazing Grace. There is nothing sweeter than it! It shines through His love and covers me each and every day through each and every mistake. 

So here I am, I am saying goodbye to this person in me who was broken and lost and I say hello to a new and rejuvenated creation walking in grace and redemption. I've experienced His love at a new level, a level which plainly illustrates that there is never anything I can do to damage my relationship with God to a point where it cannot be restored. I sure hope that makes sense. He remains faithful to His Word and I cannot thank Him enough each and every day. So this blog is mainly to say that in all my 'wrongness', i still stand as the 'righteouness' of God through Christ, His blood and His grace. Thats it, those are my thoughts. Praise be to God for his amazing love, grace, for His redemption and eternal mercy

really asking for direction

Psalm 25:4 (NLT) says 'Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow'


That is my prayer this day and for the rest of my life. I have such a passion to be an ambassador for God in the Kenyan government and I want to establish that in His hands. I want him to show me the right path. I don't want to listen to everyone or compare their journey to mine. The truth remains that the Lord has different destinies for each of us. Seek ye first the Kingdom the Word says...That is the first step in going on the right path. As long as we remain in God's presence and in continual communion with Him, He'll show us the way. We have to eliminate everything that is distracting our minds, hearts and souls. We have to deliberately fix our eyes on Christ so that we can see ahead of us. 


The song 'Thy Word' was on my heart this morning. It says 'thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path'. Our dependence on God and what He has to say is the difference between walking in the light versus walking in the dark. As long as we are not in His word, we can assume we are walking in the dark i.e. our own so called wisdom. To be honest, its hard to determine what exactly is my right path. Am I in God's will every second? I mean how can I tell? I've come to learn that God is fantastic in the way He opens doors when they should be and where they should be, we just need to learn to discern. That right there is a whole other level but thank God, He is there for us. So step 1, follow His Word and slowly but surely you will begin to see the path. Embrace the opportunities that come your way and let them shape you for your destiny. 


Acknowledge God in everything, before you do anything...bathe it in prayer and God will lead you forward. 


Amen....ahh...sigh. WOW. All a process of discovery. It wouldn't be of God if it was all simple and all set up already for us to just walk into. One person once said, it is never about the destination but about the journey. Let God work and you sit back and pray... 

Hardest word to hear: Surrender

As I read today's devotional about surrender, I couldn't help but think 'have I done it completely not selectively?' Its easy for us to say, Okay Lord, you can have my heart and my soul but not my mind or will. Most of the time it is not really even said. Our actions show this to the Lord. We make decisions without even praying or discerning whether God is supporting us or not. We tell Him, hey by the way I decided a,b,c because I felt like it was the right thing to do and everything worked towards the decision. It seemed positive Lord, so I went for it. Just imagine if you were in a marriage and you told that to your wife or husband. The result would be chaotic and I guarantee if things would not change after a few instances of that, the marriage would eventually come to a bitter end. 


Imagine the same with the Lord. He is here to build a relationship with us. If you are a Christian, have chosen to give Him your heart and your life and every day is a process of surrender. It begins when you accept Him as your Saviour. You said, I trust you to lead my life from now onwards. So why hold on to parts of you that He ought to have? I speak to myself as I write this and maybe I should just write it as such.


 I know that God knows best, I know that God has great plans for me but I still choose to worry. I still choose to hold on and try to steer the wheel. It is hard to be honest with myself and say, you know what? I don't think God has EVERY part of me. In this relationship, God is really trying to reach out to me and declare His wisdom hoping that I will listen and let go of whatever it is am trying to control. My song now to Him, is my life is in your hands. I want to let the Lord reign. Its time to let Him guide me, to listen to make sure prayer is a conversation and not a monologue. To be quiet and still in His presence so that I can hear from Him. I want to give Him time to be God in my life once again.


I'll point out a few verses that speak volumes to me right now. 

Prov. 16:1-2, 9 

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.

All the ways of man are pure in his own eyes but the Lord weighs the spirit.

The heart of man plans his way but the Lord establishes his steps.

Verse 3 talks about committing your work to God and He'll establish your steps..


Where I am right at this moment, this is my verse that points to surrender. Surrendering my desires to Him and He makes way for them. I have fought hard to understand, to try and catch a glimpse of where He may possibly wanting me to God and I have honestly battled to make sense of any and every trial that has come my way. I have analyzed and speculated but all that can be said is "all things work together for good for those who love God". 


Exodus 14:14 says The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.


2 Chronicles 20: 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' (The Lord's encouragement to King Jehosophat when he was being invaded by three different armies)


I love how the Message puts it,  you won't even need to lift a finger. And the way the people from Jehosophat's city made it through the battle was obviously the Lord's deliverance but this occurred as they were PRAISING the Lord and sought the Lord by prayer and fasting. Worship is armor in our battle and I believe prayer is our way of beckoning the Lord to act on our behalf. We do need to be ready for the fight and we do that by constantly being in worship daily, not just sunday. 


I know my thoughts have not really flowed and I may have touched on several topics but I had to write what He is teaching me =).  Stay encouraged, surrender your will and embrace the Lord.